SKED PILOT REPORT: PREMIERING TONIGHT - "I Hate My Teenage Daughter"

Have you seen the title, I HATE MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER?  Do you get it?  Good:  you've just saved 23 minutes out of your life--30 if you watch the commercials.  Teenage Daughter is one of those pilots so dreadful that you can't help but wonder just how bad a show had to be not to get on its network's fall schedule.  This one isn't just painful but more than a little ugly.

You don't believe me.  How bad can it be, you say?  Well, try this for repartee:  An ex-wife (Katie Finneran) criticizes her ex-husband's parenting by saying "Maybe you should get a job, instead of playing golf with your stupid buddies!"  Retorts he:  "I'm a golf pro!"  (Apparently there just wasn't enough of this brand of sparkling humor, because later in the pilot, the other ex-husband complains "How can I be a bad parent?  I'm never even here!"  And he means it.)   The other mother of the piece (Jaime Pressley), accused by her mean girl daughter of not understanding her life, due to being a social outcast herself in high school, protests:  "You know who else was an outcast?  Jesus, and I think he's pretty popular!"  I could go on.  And on.

Teenage Daughter was written by the team of Sherry Bilsing and Ellen Kreamer, who've been writing together since Friends, most recently on The New Adventures of Old Christine.  So it's anyone's guess why this thing is so bad.  More troubling is the rancid point of view it takes.  The premise of the show, as you can tell from the title, is that Pressley and Finneran, both tormented in high school (one was sheltered by religious fanatic parents, the other was extremely overweight and had a skin condition) have spoiled their own daughters, who have become exactly the sort of popular, rotten girls who made their lives miserable.  This could have been an entry point for some perceptive comedy, but instead the joke is that the mothers are both still pathetic losers at heart.  So we get Finneran (the previously overweight one), in a moment of stress, digging her hands into a pie and shoving it into her mouth (playing the rest of the scene with gooey pie all over her face), while Pressley, who has a crush on her ex-husband's brother (Kevin Rahm, recently one of the gay neighbors on Desperate Housewives), turns into a gushing imbecile in his presence.  (This, let me remind you, is a show written and produced by women.)  The daughters (Aisha Dee and Kristi Lauren) are manipulative monsters, and so is their school principal, who was once one of the girls torturing Finneran.  The laugh track howls at everything (flat multicamera direction by Andy Ackerman); I felt like Malcolm McDowell strapped down with his eyeballs held open in A Clockwork Orange.